9 Weeks Out

I feel like I have so much to share in just two weeks time.

Two weeks ago my husband and I made a road trip to Philadelphia to go to a MAC Cosmetics store.  While at the store I got a lesson in how to put make up on.  I really needed this lesson.  I actually had the stylist chuckling at times when I didn't know how to do something.  Needless to say, I left there with a huge bill and probably way more than I needed.  It was an awesome experience, and I am now confident in how to apply/wear my makeup for my show.

Last week I finally bit the bullet and ordered my suit.  I think between Ravish Sands and Suitsyouswimwear I have added 'a suit' to the cart at least 10 times.  Interestingly, last week I was on the Suitsyouswimwear site and I customized my whole suit and had it all in the cart, but still couldn't pull the trigger.  Later in the day I got an email from them saying:  We noticed you were recently shopping on our site and did not complete your order.  Was there a problem during the checkout? I will keep your item(s) aside for you either way. If you did not complete the checkout, you still can. If there is anything I can do to help feel free to let me know.  So, I replied to the email and told them that I 'think' that was what I wanted, but I'm still unsure and afraid to commit.  So, after 17 emails back and forth with them of suggestions and changes my suit has been ordered.  I 'hope' I made the right decision, and I am beyond excited/nervous to get it!

Now that I am in my final week of my first month of prep I 'think' I finally have a grip on things.  I say that now knowing full well my plan is going to change next week.  Man, am I praying for more food and less cardio!  This entire month has been a process.  The first week I did okay because it was all new and exciting.  The second week I was just incredibly hungry all week long, last week I had a total mental/physical energy crash between Tuesday and Wednesday.  I finished off the week strong, but man that hit me hard.

My cheat meals are very regulated now, but I have been thoroughly enjoying them.  Out of the list of meals I decided that the burger is my go to cheat!  So, for the past 3 Saturday's I have had a burger.  Week 1 was at Quaker Steak and Lube.  I had a delicious burger with a side of carrots and celery.  Week 2 my hubby and I were in Bedford Springs for a night and we found an awesome little burger shop in Bedford called Bad Boyz Bistro.  I had the best burger!  I wish it was closer, I'd probably go there every week.  Last week we went to Federal Tap house in Harrisburg and I got creative.  I had 1/2 a burger and a slice of pizza.  It was so delicious.  With approval from my coach the night of my treat meal I am also allowed to have a 'clean dessert'.  The first 2 weeks I had a chocolate protein mug-cake.  Oh my, it is warm and gooey and so good!  Last week I baked a chocolate chip cookie dough Quest bar and topped it with a Tbsp. of PB2 and Unsweetened Cocoa.  It was good, but not as good as my mug-cake.  I'm not sure what I'll do yet this week!

Yesterday was extremely beneficial to me.  I drove 2.5 hours to Crofton, Maryland to meet a teammate for posing help.  She has her procard!  Her help was beyond awesome!  I went in so unsure of myself and I left feeling semi confident.  We spent time perfecting each pose and then putting it all together.  What was terrifying to me is now semi-exciting!  I still have a lot of work to do, but at least I know how to practice now.  I will get 10 seconds or less to whip through it so I must be fluent!  

At 9 weeks out I am coming in at 104 pounds and 14.5% body-fat.  I wish I would have had more muscle when I started, but for this round it is what it is and I'm going to go with it!  I am really hoping to hit the stage around 12% body fat.  

When I started with Bombshell in July of 2013 I was 24% body fat, so I have officially dropped 10%!!  Pretty exciting!

11 Weeks Out

11 Weeks Out

Yesterday I was asked by my youngest son how long I am going to 'do this'.  My oldest son chimed in and answered it depends 'why she is doing this'.  I didn't struggle for a moment to answer the 'why'.  I have been in some sort of athletic sport all of my life.  I am naturally competitive, very driven, and tend to be a bit of a perfectionist (in all aspects; not just sports).  When I set my sights on something I want I don't quit until I succeed.  All of these things joined forces led me to wanting to compete.  As I explained this to my kids it was like they already knew the answer before they asked.  I wanted to embrace the moment that they both said that they thought what I was doing and what I have already accomplished is great.

I am still learning that each week there are new hurdles to overcome.  The biggest hurdle in this new phase, the cutting phase, is food (or lack of).  I have been so hungry.  The mental strength necessary to overcome the constant state of hunger is very taxing.  It's like a 24 hour feat each and every day.  It is very consuming.    As soon as I eat my meal I am looking at the clock to see how long until the next one.  I know I am eating solely for the purpose of functioning and not for any kind of pleasure. It is fuel so I can complete my workouts with intensity.    

This process I am going through to get ready to compete is really a pretty amazing experience.  It can break you, but it can also make you.  The hard work and the sacrifices certainly show in the body that you create.  Knowing that I have the dedication, perseverance, will, determination, work ethic, and ambition just to step on stage makes me feel like I have won the competition with myself.

I still want my body to come a long way.  Not in terms of weight, but in terms of shape.  I am working so hard to try to round out my booty and my shoulders.  I need to lose more body fat on my upper arms and my thighs also.  I am excited to see where the next few weeks will take me!

13 Weeks Out

"It always seems impossible until it's done" - Nelson Mandela

13 Weeks Out and my first official prep plan starts today.  The reality of that left me with some unexpected emotions.  Just when I think I am mentally prepared I realize my confidence still has a long way to go.  I'm getting there, but it is certainly a slow process.  I think a lot of people assume that competing is about proving something to others, and sometimes, it can be.  But in my case, it’s far more about proving something to myself.  I realized quite a while ago that the emotional highs and lows are an inevitable part of the process.  Facing each one makes me stronger and more confident.  It also reminds me that I have an amazing support system.

I have noticed through my workplace and social media that many people who compete are often the target of negativity and criticism.  It can be very scary to put yourself out there and to pursue a goal and engage in a lifestyle that many people consider to be pointless.  I often avoid the subject because I don't want to be hurt or judged.  Since I understand how important support is, I make every effort to be that support for others who are following their dreams or pursuing a goal, regardless of whether it has anything to do with fitness or not.  So many people are discouraged and scared away from greatness because of critics.

I know the prep is going to be tough.  This is the first time since being with my team that my calories are going to be reduced instead of increased.  It is also the first time ever that I will be doing cardio doubles.  I'm thankful that my Wednesday's are still single cardio sessions. Even though my calories have been reduced I'm still going to be eating slightly over 1,400 calories with a 50% Protein, 30% Carb, 20% Fat macro-nutrient breakdown.  It seems like so much protein, but I know it is necessary in order to persevere my lean muscle mass.  I am still hoping to cut about 3 to 4% body fat.  I have finally moved past the scale and am more focused on body fat.  Body fat can tell you so much more than the scale.  It can be inaccurate, but I use it as a guide every other week to tell how much lean mass I've put on and how much body fat I've lost.  I'm still concerned that I didn't put on enough lean mass during the off season.  When I signed with the team I was 115 pounds and eating 1,200 calories.  As we gradually worked on restoring my metabolism my body adapted so well, and even at 1,800 calories I was still dropping weight.  Truth be told that with December and January's holidays I have not done much for gaining or losing.  I've simply maintained.  My stats going into this 12 week prep are 108 pounds and 15.3% body fat.

Posing is still proving to be my biggest issue.  Mid February I will be meeting with a fellow teammate that will help me with my posing routine.  I am hoping to also meet with her once in March, and then in April right before my competition I will be flying to Daytona Beach for a one on one with my coach.  My goal is to be fairly confident in my routine at the time I meet with my coach.  She can give me a few pointers and tweak things and then send me on my way to be my best self!

15 Weeks Out

First and foremost i have gotten yet another new coach.  This makes 4 coaches in 5 months.  I really hope I'm stuck with the new one now!  My old coach is taking over 'bigger' things so a bunch of us were shuffled to a different bikini coach.  I actually think this change is going to be very good for me.  I have already met the coach I was assigned to at camp, and I really liked her initial feedback on my first progress report.

I explained in my report to her that I was getting very frustrated with my lower body.  I don't feel like my glutes/ hams are getting anywhere.  She reminded me that I need to keep my movements very quick.  This week I have focused on lowering my weights a little bit and knocking out the sets a little faster.  A workout shouldn't take more than an hour and it was taking me almost an hour and a half nightly.

Next Thursday my husband and I are going to Jamaica until Monday.  Since I am still 15 weeks out from my first show I fully intend to 'live it up' while we are there.  It will give my body a break, it will give my mind a break and when i get back it will be full on prep time!  Right now, at this point, I can't wait to eat, drink, and be merry, but I am almost certain after day 1 of 'not eating to plan' I will feel like a gigantic balloon!

Lately my mind has been so busy.  Analyzing a day inside my head makes me realize why I am so exhausted in the evening!  I think about my goals.  I think about my upcoming competitions - if I choose the right ones, if I'll look good enough, if I'll pose good enough, if I even have any business being there.  How I will react if I do poorly, how I will react if I do well.  What does the body of my dreams actually look like, why do I have so much trouble realizing how far I have come.  This goes on THE ENTIRE DAY!  It seems everything I do I do with my goals in mind.  From the time I hear that alarm in the morning until the time I crawl in bed at night my mind is processing my goals.

This is important to me and my personal goals because I know fitness is not an isolated journey.  I want the results. I want to be the best me possible.  That means living fit 24 hours per day / 7 days per week.  That means I must get enough rest to train intensely.  That means I must fuel my body with the proper food and portions at the proper times.  That means I must get at least a gallon of water in every day.  If I miss any of these components I know my results are going to be compromised.

My entire focus right now is getting on stage.  Getting my make up in order, getting my hair in order, ordering my suit, walking around in my heels, making sure my meals are prepped, making sure my alarm wakes me up at 5 am to get my cardio in, making sure my husband is around each and every night to push me intensely thought my workouts.  It's non-stop.  I'm not complaining; I love it.  I can visualize my goals each and every day.  I like how I feel.  It is a reminder that the hard work and sacrifice is worth it.  Don't get me wrong, some days I feel completely discouraged, unmotivated, and like quitting.  At those times I lean on my husband.  I try to take a mental break, or I go to social media for motivation.  I know I have made huge improvements and I know in these next 15 weeks I will continue the journey to be the best me yet as long as I stay consistent and disciplined, even when I feel like I'm at a standstill.

17 Weeks Out

The past few weeks have been very busy with the holidays.  During this busy time I have had a lot of time to reflect and refocus my goals.  I have reevaluated my competition goals and have settled on going to watch a show in Baltimore, MD on March 22^nd, 2014 and competing in:  April 26^th, 2014 NPC MAX MUSCLE CLASSIC - Woodbridge, VA, May 24^th, 2014 NPC LEHIGH VALLEY CHAMPIONSHIPS, May 31^st, 2014 NPC EXCALIBUR CHAMPIONSHIPS.  These are much smaller shows and I believe they will give me learning experience and confidence to do bigger shows if I choose to.  This puts me at 17 weeks out!

Looking back now I realize just how much camp taught me.  If I hadn't gone to camp I would not have known just how much posing practice I need.  I know for me posing is going to be one of those things that I practice, practice, practice.  I’m going to have to be able to do it with the lights off, in the dark, without sound, forwards, backwards, etc.  I NEED to have it memorized. 

 

The past few weeks have been hit/miss with ‘sticking to my plan’.  My hubby and I took a weekend trip together instead of exchanging Christmas presents.  We went to NYC for the weekend and to say I lived it up is a bit of an understatement.  I had lots of ‘good’ food and ‘good’ drinks.  I came home and was 8 pounds heavier.  Even though I ate like crap I killed all my workouts in the awesome gym the hotel had.  I knew a lot of the weight was water weight.  Sure enough within 5 days I was back to my typical 107.  This week starts a new food plan for me.  It is more calories than I have ever consistently consumed so I am excited to see how my body does with it. 2013 was an amazing year for me.  

I had high expectations of myself and I delivered many of those expectations.  I have set the bar even higher in 2014.  I have huge personal, relationship, and financial goals.  I fully intend to make 2014 my best year yet.  I know this is only the beginning for me.  

In the past I would always allow others thoughts of 'what you should look like' to cloud my own thoughts.  I would get too many opinions from too many places on what workouts I should be doing, how heavy I should be lifting, what cardio to do, what's wrong, what's right, carb cycling, depletion, water, etc. etc.  There are so many opinions out there about what is right and what is wrong about what is healthy and what isn't.  It all becomes so over whelming. Add in the people that you know are talking about you.  Family, friends, coworkers, FB, the ones that follow you on Instagram, but never say a word to encourage and support you.  I definitely have some of those.  It’s the first time I can see things from an  'I don't care what you think about me' perspective and instead I see them from a my decisions make me happy perspective.  I know I am going to open so many doors for myself this year.  I know I am going to grow as a person.  I am so inspired by others and even if my pictures, quotes, posts, only inspire 1 person...I am happy!

  

One of the mental transformations I wish to make is to enjoy this journey and appreciate where I am and how far I have come.  I find that I become so preoccupied with what I want that I forget to enjoy where I am.  I know that where I am today will be different than where I am next week.  I understand that the pursuit of perfection has no end.  All I can do is strive for improvement over time and to try to be a little better each day than I was the day before.  One of the physical changes I really wish to make this year are to really develop my arms.  In the past 22 weeks my arms have come a long way (especially my biceps), but they still carry entirely too much body fat.  I want to push hard to develop my shoulders and my triceps. 

I absolutely adore the support system I have developed.  I not sure if my supporters realize just how much they contribute to my success.  When I feel bad they reassure me it’s all part of the process and to keep going.  When I feel good, they make me feel even better.  I know that my entire image of myself is changing.  Up until last year I was very quiet and didn't speak up very much.  I did everything I could to avoid drawing attention to myself, and when I did receive it, it made me uncomfortable.  I used to walk around my office with my head down not even sure how to say hello to people.  Now, I hold my head high.  I am proud of who I am.  I want to continue to grow; grow enough to be confident enough to step on stage in my platform heels and bikini. 

??? Weeks Out

??? Weeks Out

What an interesting and humbling week.

I left for camp Friday morning. I had my 6 pack bag all ready with food for the entire 3 days and a carry on bag with my workout clothes. We got up at 230 am and Brian drove me to Allentown airport for a 630 am departure. I arrived in Daytona Beach at 1030. Grabbed a rental car,  stopped off at the grocery store for a few gallons of water and headed to camp.

The first day our session started right after I arrived at 12 and ran until 430. We had a lecture by Shannon Dey about the Bombshell background and how it has grown and what it represents. How our coaches are there to help us and we need to reach out to them for all things. Weekly progress pictures, questions, accomplishments, bad days,  etc. After the lecture we did what was called 'A tour of Daytona' with my coach,  Coach Vanessa. After the tour of Daytona we did a leg workout. I learned real,  real,  quickly that the workouts used a whole lot less weight than I was using and were a lot faster paced.

There were 10 of us at camp and 9 of us were staying at the bombshell house. 9 girls aged 18 to 36 (36 being me),  3 bedrooms with 3 beds each, 2 bathrooms,  and 1 kitchen.

The first night was rough for me. I am an extremely light sleeper I ended up on the sofa. I think my emotions were crazy because of exhaustion but I was annoyed and I missed my family like crazy. I ended up crying myself to sleep.

Camp day 2 was much better. We started at 8 am. First we had posing practice,  Which I am absolutely horrible at. I don't have an ounce of confidence when it comes to the posing,  I am going to have to practice several times a week,  then we had killer cardio,  then we had a food prep lecture with Coach Gen.  Last, we ran the Daytona Bridge...twice!  This was tough.  I was apprehensive about it all weekend,  but I did it,  and I did it well. I was proud of myself. After camp we went back to the house and relaxed a little until it was time to go to Shannon's house for our cheat meal.  We got 2 pieces of pizza. With all the workouts I honestly felt like I could eat an entire pizza.

The last day was rough. I have positive and negative feelings about it. We had a booty workout,  then an upper body blast workout,  and last a mock show. The mock show is what I dreaded all along.  Almost all the girls had competed at least once before, so they had already had some posing experience.  I had NONE, nor did I have the confidence to do it.  We got in line by height and the judges (Coach Vanessa,  Coach Elliott,  Coach Asia,  and Shannon) called us out 1 by 1. After we all went Shannon pulled us all together and told us we looked horrible. She told us to pull the emotion out  of it,  be confident,  and strut our stuff.  This was much easier said than done; especially for me.  The girls that previously competed moved so smooth and fluently.  I felt unsure and herky jerky.  I seriously felt like I had braces on my legs that made me walk stiff as a board!

I left camp thinking; what the hell was I thinking.  There is no way I can walk out on stage all 'sexy like' like that.  Ironically enough while waiting at the airport to board my plane this woman approached me.  She said she saw me at the 'rookie' camp and that she is a 'veteran' Bombshell.  I knew she was older than me, so I immediately told her how I was feeling.  Turns out she is 42 years old and does competitions.  She was laughing and telling me how she had no business doing her first show and that her posing was awful.  Said she came in dead last!  She has since done other shows and has improved in everyone.

So, as I rode home I thought to myself, the coaches told me I had a great shape, I know I have the dedication and the discipline to the food and workouts, so I AM going to follow through with this, but I think I am going to choose some smaller local shows instead of chomping off New York City right off the bat.  I have to wait for the website to be updated with the small shows and then I will choose.  Once I choose a show my ??? will change to how many weeks out I am.

18 Weeks Out

18 Weeks Out

Another week passed.  18 weeks to go!  This week has been quite challenging.  Work was very, very taxing this week and then came some added emotional stress – my coach is leaving the team.  On Wednesday afternoon an email came out that the team was looking for a coach.  I didn't really think too much of it; I thought maybe they were just adding an additional coach.  Later in the evening when I was getting my shower something hit me – my heart instantly started pounding and the dreaded thought of MY COACH might be leaving entered my mind.  I stepped out of the shower and emailed her immediately.  She replied very quickly and what I read was exactly what I was hoping NOT to read.  It’s pretty amazing how, this coach, that I have never met, has had such an impact on my life.  Tears started flowing and questions started entering my mind.  Thoughts like; she is the one that got me this far; how am I going to go on, there is no way I can compete now, I might as well unset my alarm in the morning; there is no sense in getting up for cardio.  My husband tried to reassure me that everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't talk without crying.  I tossed and turned all night long.  The next morning when that morning cardio alarm went off I laid there 10 minutes before I forced myself to get up.  I stepped on the treadmill and once I got going I was able to pick myself up (a little bit).  I knew it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself.  Rebecca might be leaving, but she gave me the confidence I need to go on.  My mind has now shifted.  I am going to step on that stage in April and I am going to make her proud!  

Now it is time to get to know my new coach.  I only hope I bond with her the way I did Rebecca.  It takes a special person to show that 'tough love', but to also be compassionate.  Rebecca did that perfectly!  I have been assigned to the Bikini Team Coach, Coach Vanessa.  I will be submitting my first progress report and pictures to her on Monday and I can't wait to hear her feedback.

My new plan is so much different than my old one when it comes to the cardio.  Last month was 60 minutes 5 days per week.  This one is 30 to 40 minutes 4 days per week.  The food plan and the workouts are very similar.  My big challenge next week is going to be prepping to go to camp.  I have read up on airline security and think I am pretty prepared.  I have my quart bag ready with carry on liquids…my vinegar and oils, peanut butters, etc.  I have my 6 pack bag ready with my food, and my carry on ready with my workout clothes.  I will fly out of Allentown Friday morning at 6:35 AM.  I am so excited to actually meet other Bombshells and to meet the Bombshell coaches.  The experience is going to be priceless.

Every morning when I wake up I walk to the bathroom I stare down the scale, and for the most part just refuse to get on it anymore.  I look in the mirror to check my progress and look for changes.  I look for any indication I can find that I am slowly but surely moving into the right direction of being ready to step on stage.  Some days I think, damn, I look lean today, other days I feel like a big puffy mess!  However, I do KNOW that I am in the best shape of my life at this point in time.  I am stronger and leaner than ever.  The picture to the right was very cool for me to see.  The left side was taken in May 2012 the right was this week.  Such huge changes in the leanness of my arms and core.  

Sometimes when  I feel I am making no progress what so ever I really lean hard on my coach and network of social friends.  They remind me to remind myself that even if I don't see changes every day each day of training and eating clean is making me stronger mentally and physically.  They help me find balance and remind myself that everyday I am improving my condition.  I am treating my body with respect and feeding it with food to fuel it.

Food is everywhere right now.  I am pretty happy with how I am holding out.  My kids laugh at me because I actually smell the goodies they are eating.  My younger son just thinks it’s weird and the older one thinks it would make it harder to refrain.  Cheat meal this weekend is dinner at Bonefish Grill with the family.  Can’t wait!