17 Weeks Out

The past few weeks have been very busy with the holidays.  During this busy time I have had a lot of time to reflect and refocus my goals.  I have reevaluated my competition goals and have settled on going to watch a show in Baltimore, MD on March 22^nd, 2014 and competing in:  April 26^th, 2014 NPC MAX MUSCLE CLASSIC - Woodbridge, VA, May 24^th, 2014 NPC LEHIGH VALLEY CHAMPIONSHIPS, May 31^st, 2014 NPC EXCALIBUR CHAMPIONSHIPS.  These are much smaller shows and I believe they will give me learning experience and confidence to do bigger shows if I choose to.  This puts me at 17 weeks out!

Looking back now I realize just how much camp taught me.  If I hadn't gone to camp I would not have known just how much posing practice I need.  I know for me posing is going to be one of those things that I practice, practice, practice.  I’m going to have to be able to do it with the lights off, in the dark, without sound, forwards, backwards, etc.  I NEED to have it memorized. 

 

The past few weeks have been hit/miss with ‘sticking to my plan’.  My hubby and I took a weekend trip together instead of exchanging Christmas presents.  We went to NYC for the weekend and to say I lived it up is a bit of an understatement.  I had lots of ‘good’ food and ‘good’ drinks.  I came home and was 8 pounds heavier.  Even though I ate like crap I killed all my workouts in the awesome gym the hotel had.  I knew a lot of the weight was water weight.  Sure enough within 5 days I was back to my typical 107.  This week starts a new food plan for me.  It is more calories than I have ever consistently consumed so I am excited to see how my body does with it. 2013 was an amazing year for me.  

I had high expectations of myself and I delivered many of those expectations.  I have set the bar even higher in 2014.  I have huge personal, relationship, and financial goals.  I fully intend to make 2014 my best year yet.  I know this is only the beginning for me.  

In the past I would always allow others thoughts of 'what you should look like' to cloud my own thoughts.  I would get too many opinions from too many places on what workouts I should be doing, how heavy I should be lifting, what cardio to do, what's wrong, what's right, carb cycling, depletion, water, etc. etc.  There are so many opinions out there about what is right and what is wrong about what is healthy and what isn't.  It all becomes so over whelming. Add in the people that you know are talking about you.  Family, friends, coworkers, FB, the ones that follow you on Instagram, but never say a word to encourage and support you.  I definitely have some of those.  It’s the first time I can see things from an  'I don't care what you think about me' perspective and instead I see them from a my decisions make me happy perspective.  I know I am going to open so many doors for myself this year.  I know I am going to grow as a person.  I am so inspired by others and even if my pictures, quotes, posts, only inspire 1 person...I am happy!

  

One of the mental transformations I wish to make is to enjoy this journey and appreciate where I am and how far I have come.  I find that I become so preoccupied with what I want that I forget to enjoy where I am.  I know that where I am today will be different than where I am next week.  I understand that the pursuit of perfection has no end.  All I can do is strive for improvement over time and to try to be a little better each day than I was the day before.  One of the physical changes I really wish to make this year are to really develop my arms.  In the past 22 weeks my arms have come a long way (especially my biceps), but they still carry entirely too much body fat.  I want to push hard to develop my shoulders and my triceps. 

I absolutely adore the support system I have developed.  I not sure if my supporters realize just how much they contribute to my success.  When I feel bad they reassure me it’s all part of the process and to keep going.  When I feel good, they make me feel even better.  I know that my entire image of myself is changing.  Up until last year I was very quiet and didn't speak up very much.  I did everything I could to avoid drawing attention to myself, and when I did receive it, it made me uncomfortable.  I used to walk around my office with my head down not even sure how to say hello to people.  Now, I hold my head high.  I am proud of who I am.  I want to continue to grow; grow enough to be confident enough to step on stage in my platform heels and bikini.