2 Weeks Out

Ah...the weeks seem to be getting tougher as far as time and energy are concerned, but at this point I am bound and determined to kick ass every single day.


I have been wanting to post sooner because so much happens in a week lately and then I can't remember it, but my time is literally maxed out.

Early last week my coach decided I needed a 7th meal added to my plan.  Right before bed she added 3 oz. of flank steak and 3 oz. of sweet potato.  I could have kissed her as I have been so darn hungry.  At 2 weeks out I am holding tight between 100 and 102 pounds and about 12.5% body-fat.  My muscles are staying nice and full.  Red meat has a natural creatine in it which will keep the muscles nice and full.  Win!

It seems that with only 2 weeks left that I should be more focused than ever, but I keep finding myself having opposite thoughts.  I am sure at some point I will understand this, but at this point I do not.  I think I can see the finish line now and my brain is saying you are almost there.  As crazy as peak weak is going to be I am really looking forward to the challenge.

Last week I flew to Daytona Beach to meet with my coach.  What an awesome, awesome weekend.  Hubby and I arrived in Daytona at 10:30 AM on Friday.  I met with Asia at 1 and then got my cardio session in.  After cardio Brian and I walked around Daytona and he got some pizza and wings...while I ate my packed food from a baggie.  Boy did I struggle.  His pizza smelled so good, but I wouldn't think of cheating at this point.  For the past 13 weeks I have religiously stuck to one cheat meal per week and I'm not about to blow that now.  Friday night I ended up in bed at 6:30 PM and slept until 8:30 the next morning.  My body needed that so much.  Saturday was wonderful we spent the entire day on the beach and then went out for an amazing cheat meal.  Sunday we were up bright and early to catch our flight back to Harrisburg.  We were back by 11 and went straight to the gym.

After seeing my coach she let me get a big ol' burger for a cheat meal.  My body is lean enough, now we just need to fill it out with food.  As she said, the work is done, now it's time to fill out and show the hard work through confidence in posing on stage.  Flying to Daytona and meeting with Asia was one of the best things I could have possibly done for myself.  She started me from a very basic...just walk, now walk with a sway, the whole way up to a full routine.  A routine I feel so good about.  She also gave me so many pointers and tips that are so valuable!

I do have some anxiety about the final two weeks, mostly over time.  I am going to have to plan and prep meticulously to stay on track.  I have my sons 16th birthday, a social event to host for our ice cream shop, and cooking Easter dinner for my family at the start of my peak week!  I got this, I know I do, but I am nervous about it.

My body has made some amazing changes the last few weeks as it really leans out.  My shoulders have really popped, my legs are finally slimming down, and most of all I am more than satisfied with the package I am going to take to stage.  In my competition of Me Vs. Me - I have no option but to win!

Also in the past couple weeks I have had a very different experience with people.  I have people approaching me everywhere, especially at the gym.  It feels so good to help others, but it also feels so good to be able to feel good about me.

Only two weeks now until I get to show off my beautiful suit!!  Jewelry has arrived, tanning is booked, make up is booked, my friend is doing my hair!!  Almost ready!!

4 Weeks Out

4 Weeks Out

It's been a really tough week both physically and mentally.  I was going to wait until I was having an 'up' day to post, but I thought, why not post on a 'down' day.  In the future this will help me recognize my growth.

Two weeks ago I drove to New Jersey to meet with IFBB Pro Danielle Carr for posing practice.  I was totally overwhelmed while practicing with her, but she walked me though changing my routine a little bit and videoed me so I could watch it and work on it.  I made a promise to myself to practice 10 minutes a day until show day.  The day after I came home the posing really started to click for me.  I really need to stop over thinking it and just have fun with it.  Let's face it - it's a brief 10 seconds to show you have worked your ass off!  I have certainly become more relaxed and gotten better, but still have a long way to go.

Last weekend Brian and I drove to Baltimore on Saturday morning to go to the Baltimore Gladiator show.  The show was amazing.  I loved every minute of it.   We walked around the vendor area and looked at all the cool fitness stuff.  He sampled some delicious things (while I wanted to I refrained...prep mode is in full swing).  First they had prejudging.  The show was so big.  There were 30 girls in the novice division.  While I know they are up there to be 'judged' it was hard for me to hear the audience 'picking them all apart'.  I know each and every girl on that stage worked her ass off to be there.  After prejudging we went to our hotel and hung out for a while and then went for our cheat meal.  We went to this very cool brick oven pizza shop.  After the show we headed back for finals.  I was very surprised at some of the decisions that were made.  In the end each judge is different and has a different preference, but every girl on that stage was a winner in my eyes!

Onto this week - I'm not sure what happened this week but my emotions have been ALL over the place. One day high and the next low.  Some of the emotions stemmed from cutting coffee from my daily habits, having my food and cardio plans change, and work being very stressful this week.  I leaned on my buddy Nina, my husband and my coach a lot.  A whole lot!  I am so thankful to have my husband for EVERYTHING, my buddy Nina as a fellow competitor that understands, and my coach for the feedback and tweaks to my plan.  They are all contributing to my success.

I have also reflected a lot this week.  One day I can't wait to step on stage and the next I'm wondering what the hell I am thinking.  One day I am typing an email to my coach telling her how much I love prep and that I think I may want to be in this for the long haul and the next I want to quit now.  Through all of this I realized a few things about myself.  I am, and always have been a private person.  While I have worked my ass off my entire life for everything I have I have always been a 'beneath the detector' type of person.  I have always kept my head down, and worked my ass off.  I believe if you really are great people will just know.  You shouldn't have to put it in peoples faces.  I have always valued humility as a personality trait and have been annoyed by people who engage in self-promotion.  I have also gained a lot of confidence from this experience though.  This entire process has seemingly drawn that part of my personality out of me.  I have decided I don't think it is about being humble or confident.  I think it is more about fear of criticism.  If I stay beneath the detector I won't be noticed.  On the other hand if I exude confidence I make myself a target.  Let's face it no one likes to kick someone that is down, but many can't wait to take shots at someone who is successful.  I have a pretty thin skin and criticism hurts me pretty easily...even if it's tactful.  So, so far I have lived pretty quietly so that I go unnoticed to avoid being hurt, but I am now realizing I have deprived myself of some of life's greatest experiences.  through this reflection I have decided to stop allowing criticism to keep me from things that I love.  In my own eyes the day I make it to the stage is the day I am a champion!

6 Weeks Out

6 Weeks Out

The past few weeks have seriously flown by.  It seems each week I have my strong days and my weak days, but I know each day I am fulfilling with everything I have.

My suit from Suit you Swimwear has arrived and while I am not showing it until show day I must say it is absolutely beautiful.  When I opened it up I was in tears.  It's stunning.  I was so afraid to put it on in fear of being disappointed, but I am very pleased with the fit!

In the past few weeks I have dropped some weight and body-fat.  I am now coming in at 102 pounds and around 13% body-fat.  My clothes are falling off of me and I hate how low my weight is, but I am really not focused on that as I am on the mirror. Originally, my goal body fat was 12%, but I have decided to let go of that goal and again, just focus on the mirror.  I'm very happy with the progression of my upper body.  My core, shoulders, arms and my back especially.  I have never been able to see any kid of muscle curvature in my arms and I am beyond pleased with them.  My lower body is coming around slowly, but surely.  I am hoping in the next 6 weeks I can really focus on tightening up my quads and hams.


Time management has been very challenging for me the past few weeks.  Training for 3 hours per day isn't the easiest task while working full time, being a mom, having kids in sports, being a wife, and a business owner, but I make it work.  I can only make it work with the help and support of my amazing husband.  The man is my solid rock!  His support along with the support I am receiving from everyone else is truly inspirational.  I have more and more people complimenting my physique, more and more people asking me what I am doing, more and more people approaching me at the gym commenting on how fit I look.  Aside from all that I have an awesome coach that is proud of me and believes in me.

So far this experience has been one of the most positive and rewarding endeavors I have ever taken on.  I attribute this to many things.  First, my coach, Asia Mendoza.  I had to go through several coaches before I landed my current coach.  She has been nothing but encouraging and aspiring.  It makes a world of difference when you truly feel like your coach believes in you.  She reads my emails each and every week and not only does she respond but she responds with such compassion.  Second, my husband.  He has been prepping my food for the past 8 months.  Each and every week he sets time aside to prep me for diet success for the entire week.  He puts up with my whining about weight, body fat, hunger, not getting a good workout, he puts up with emotional highs, and emotional lows.  Some days I can barely put up with myself, so I commend him for being my voice of reassurance each and every day.  I am stronger than I have ever been physically because of him.  My upper body workouts have improved by leaps and bounds.  When I can't get those last few reps he is there to push me.  With his help I have lost body fat, built muscle, improved my overall conditioning, and have become a stronger, more confident person overall.



My will to succeed is stronger than ever.  Thankfully I am in a place that 'succeed' to me just means stepping on the stage.  I am confident weather I place first or last I will be okay.  My success lies in having the dedication and determination to say that I have followed this diet and workout routine to a T.  That I have gone above and beyond to try to conquer my inability to pose fluently.  I know I have given nothing short of my all.  Sweat, blood, and tears - once I step on stage - I have made it.

The next 6 weeks are going to go fast, and I have a few fun things planned.  Tomorrow (3/14) I am driving 3 hours each way to meet with IFBB-pro Danille Carr for a posing session.  I feel Danielle will help me concrete my routine and work on being more fluent.  Next Friday is my birthday, and while I will NOT be celebrating with birthday cake, I will be taking a little trip (with my own food packed).  My husband and I are going to watch the Baltimore Gladiator.  This show will be an awesome experience for me.  It will give me a feel for how everything flows.  Last, and what I am looking forward to the most is on April 4th, my husband and I are flying to Daytona Beach for a weekend.  On Friday the 4th I am meeting with my coach.  We are going to put the finishing touches on my posing.  At that point I will be 3 weeks out.  I will have lots of time to practice my posing and be totally ready for show day!  The rest of the weekend will be for hubby and I to kick back and relax on the beach!!

9 Weeks Out

I feel like I have so much to share in just two weeks time.

Two weeks ago my husband and I made a road trip to Philadelphia to go to a MAC Cosmetics store.  While at the store I got a lesson in how to put make up on.  I really needed this lesson.  I actually had the stylist chuckling at times when I didn't know how to do something.  Needless to say, I left there with a huge bill and probably way more than I needed.  It was an awesome experience, and I am now confident in how to apply/wear my makeup for my show.

Last week I finally bit the bullet and ordered my suit.  I think between Ravish Sands and Suitsyouswimwear I have added 'a suit' to the cart at least 10 times.  Interestingly, last week I was on the Suitsyouswimwear site and I customized my whole suit and had it all in the cart, but still couldn't pull the trigger.  Later in the day I got an email from them saying:  We noticed you were recently shopping on our site and did not complete your order.  Was there a problem during the checkout? I will keep your item(s) aside for you either way. If you did not complete the checkout, you still can. If there is anything I can do to help feel free to let me know.  So, I replied to the email and told them that I 'think' that was what I wanted, but I'm still unsure and afraid to commit.  So, after 17 emails back and forth with them of suggestions and changes my suit has been ordered.  I 'hope' I made the right decision, and I am beyond excited/nervous to get it!

Now that I am in my final week of my first month of prep I 'think' I finally have a grip on things.  I say that now knowing full well my plan is going to change next week.  Man, am I praying for more food and less cardio!  This entire month has been a process.  The first week I did okay because it was all new and exciting.  The second week I was just incredibly hungry all week long, last week I had a total mental/physical energy crash between Tuesday and Wednesday.  I finished off the week strong, but man that hit me hard.

My cheat meals are very regulated now, but I have been thoroughly enjoying them.  Out of the list of meals I decided that the burger is my go to cheat!  So, for the past 3 Saturday's I have had a burger.  Week 1 was at Quaker Steak and Lube.  I had a delicious burger with a side of carrots and celery.  Week 2 my hubby and I were in Bedford Springs for a night and we found an awesome little burger shop in Bedford called Bad Boyz Bistro.  I had the best burger!  I wish it was closer, I'd probably go there every week.  Last week we went to Federal Tap house in Harrisburg and I got creative.  I had 1/2 a burger and a slice of pizza.  It was so delicious.  With approval from my coach the night of my treat meal I am also allowed to have a 'clean dessert'.  The first 2 weeks I had a chocolate protein mug-cake.  Oh my, it is warm and gooey and so good!  Last week I baked a chocolate chip cookie dough Quest bar and topped it with a Tbsp. of PB2 and Unsweetened Cocoa.  It was good, but not as good as my mug-cake.  I'm not sure what I'll do yet this week!

Yesterday was extremely beneficial to me.  I drove 2.5 hours to Crofton, Maryland to meet a teammate for posing help.  She has her procard!  Her help was beyond awesome!  I went in so unsure of myself and I left feeling semi confident.  We spent time perfecting each pose and then putting it all together.  What was terrifying to me is now semi-exciting!  I still have a lot of work to do, but at least I know how to practice now.  I will get 10 seconds or less to whip through it so I must be fluent!  

At 9 weeks out I am coming in at 104 pounds and 14.5% body-fat.  I wish I would have had more muscle when I started, but for this round it is what it is and I'm going to go with it!  I am really hoping to hit the stage around 12% body fat.  

When I started with Bombshell in July of 2013 I was 24% body fat, so I have officially dropped 10%!!  Pretty exciting!

11 Weeks Out

11 Weeks Out

Yesterday I was asked by my youngest son how long I am going to 'do this'.  My oldest son chimed in and answered it depends 'why she is doing this'.  I didn't struggle for a moment to answer the 'why'.  I have been in some sort of athletic sport all of my life.  I am naturally competitive, very driven, and tend to be a bit of a perfectionist (in all aspects; not just sports).  When I set my sights on something I want I don't quit until I succeed.  All of these things joined forces led me to wanting to compete.  As I explained this to my kids it was like they already knew the answer before they asked.  I wanted to embrace the moment that they both said that they thought what I was doing and what I have already accomplished is great.

I am still learning that each week there are new hurdles to overcome.  The biggest hurdle in this new phase, the cutting phase, is food (or lack of).  I have been so hungry.  The mental strength necessary to overcome the constant state of hunger is very taxing.  It's like a 24 hour feat each and every day.  It is very consuming.    As soon as I eat my meal I am looking at the clock to see how long until the next one.  I know I am eating solely for the purpose of functioning and not for any kind of pleasure. It is fuel so I can complete my workouts with intensity.    

This process I am going through to get ready to compete is really a pretty amazing experience.  It can break you, but it can also make you.  The hard work and the sacrifices certainly show in the body that you create.  Knowing that I have the dedication, perseverance, will, determination, work ethic, and ambition just to step on stage makes me feel like I have won the competition with myself.

I still want my body to come a long way.  Not in terms of weight, but in terms of shape.  I am working so hard to try to round out my booty and my shoulders.  I need to lose more body fat on my upper arms and my thighs also.  I am excited to see where the next few weeks will take me!

13 Weeks Out

"It always seems impossible until it's done" - Nelson Mandela

13 Weeks Out and my first official prep plan starts today.  The reality of that left me with some unexpected emotions.  Just when I think I am mentally prepared I realize my confidence still has a long way to go.  I'm getting there, but it is certainly a slow process.  I think a lot of people assume that competing is about proving something to others, and sometimes, it can be.  But in my case, it’s far more about proving something to myself.  I realized quite a while ago that the emotional highs and lows are an inevitable part of the process.  Facing each one makes me stronger and more confident.  It also reminds me that I have an amazing support system.

I have noticed through my workplace and social media that many people who compete are often the target of negativity and criticism.  It can be very scary to put yourself out there and to pursue a goal and engage in a lifestyle that many people consider to be pointless.  I often avoid the subject because I don't want to be hurt or judged.  Since I understand how important support is, I make every effort to be that support for others who are following their dreams or pursuing a goal, regardless of whether it has anything to do with fitness or not.  So many people are discouraged and scared away from greatness because of critics.

I know the prep is going to be tough.  This is the first time since being with my team that my calories are going to be reduced instead of increased.  It is also the first time ever that I will be doing cardio doubles.  I'm thankful that my Wednesday's are still single cardio sessions. Even though my calories have been reduced I'm still going to be eating slightly over 1,400 calories with a 50% Protein, 30% Carb, 20% Fat macro-nutrient breakdown.  It seems like so much protein, but I know it is necessary in order to persevere my lean muscle mass.  I am still hoping to cut about 3 to 4% body fat.  I have finally moved past the scale and am more focused on body fat.  Body fat can tell you so much more than the scale.  It can be inaccurate, but I use it as a guide every other week to tell how much lean mass I've put on and how much body fat I've lost.  I'm still concerned that I didn't put on enough lean mass during the off season.  When I signed with the team I was 115 pounds and eating 1,200 calories.  As we gradually worked on restoring my metabolism my body adapted so well, and even at 1,800 calories I was still dropping weight.  Truth be told that with December and January's holidays I have not done much for gaining or losing.  I've simply maintained.  My stats going into this 12 week prep are 108 pounds and 15.3% body fat.

Posing is still proving to be my biggest issue.  Mid February I will be meeting with a fellow teammate that will help me with my posing routine.  I am hoping to also meet with her once in March, and then in April right before my competition I will be flying to Daytona Beach for a one on one with my coach.  My goal is to be fairly confident in my routine at the time I meet with my coach.  She can give me a few pointers and tweak things and then send me on my way to be my best self!

15 Weeks Out

First and foremost i have gotten yet another new coach.  This makes 4 coaches in 5 months.  I really hope I'm stuck with the new one now!  My old coach is taking over 'bigger' things so a bunch of us were shuffled to a different bikini coach.  I actually think this change is going to be very good for me.  I have already met the coach I was assigned to at camp, and I really liked her initial feedback on my first progress report.

I explained in my report to her that I was getting very frustrated with my lower body.  I don't feel like my glutes/ hams are getting anywhere.  She reminded me that I need to keep my movements very quick.  This week I have focused on lowering my weights a little bit and knocking out the sets a little faster.  A workout shouldn't take more than an hour and it was taking me almost an hour and a half nightly.

Next Thursday my husband and I are going to Jamaica until Monday.  Since I am still 15 weeks out from my first show I fully intend to 'live it up' while we are there.  It will give my body a break, it will give my mind a break and when i get back it will be full on prep time!  Right now, at this point, I can't wait to eat, drink, and be merry, but I am almost certain after day 1 of 'not eating to plan' I will feel like a gigantic balloon!

Lately my mind has been so busy.  Analyzing a day inside my head makes me realize why I am so exhausted in the evening!  I think about my goals.  I think about my upcoming competitions - if I choose the right ones, if I'll look good enough, if I'll pose good enough, if I even have any business being there.  How I will react if I do poorly, how I will react if I do well.  What does the body of my dreams actually look like, why do I have so much trouble realizing how far I have come.  This goes on THE ENTIRE DAY!  It seems everything I do I do with my goals in mind.  From the time I hear that alarm in the morning until the time I crawl in bed at night my mind is processing my goals.

This is important to me and my personal goals because I know fitness is not an isolated journey.  I want the results. I want to be the best me possible.  That means living fit 24 hours per day / 7 days per week.  That means I must get enough rest to train intensely.  That means I must fuel my body with the proper food and portions at the proper times.  That means I must get at least a gallon of water in every day.  If I miss any of these components I know my results are going to be compromised.

My entire focus right now is getting on stage.  Getting my make up in order, getting my hair in order, ordering my suit, walking around in my heels, making sure my meals are prepped, making sure my alarm wakes me up at 5 am to get my cardio in, making sure my husband is around each and every night to push me intensely thought my workouts.  It's non-stop.  I'm not complaining; I love it.  I can visualize my goals each and every day.  I like how I feel.  It is a reminder that the hard work and sacrifice is worth it.  Don't get me wrong, some days I feel completely discouraged, unmotivated, and like quitting.  At those times I lean on my husband.  I try to take a mental break, or I go to social media for motivation.  I know I have made huge improvements and I know in these next 15 weeks I will continue the journey to be the best me yet as long as I stay consistent and disciplined, even when I feel like I'm at a standstill.