13 Weeks Out

"It always seems impossible until it's done" - Nelson Mandela

13 Weeks Out and my first official prep plan starts today.  The reality of that left me with some unexpected emotions.  Just when I think I am mentally prepared I realize my confidence still has a long way to go.  I'm getting there, but it is certainly a slow process.  I think a lot of people assume that competing is about proving something to others, and sometimes, it can be.  But in my case, it’s far more about proving something to myself.  I realized quite a while ago that the emotional highs and lows are an inevitable part of the process.  Facing each one makes me stronger and more confident.  It also reminds me that I have an amazing support system.

I have noticed through my workplace and social media that many people who compete are often the target of negativity and criticism.  It can be very scary to put yourself out there and to pursue a goal and engage in a lifestyle that many people consider to be pointless.  I often avoid the subject because I don't want to be hurt or judged.  Since I understand how important support is, I make every effort to be that support for others who are following their dreams or pursuing a goal, regardless of whether it has anything to do with fitness or not.  So many people are discouraged and scared away from greatness because of critics.

I know the prep is going to be tough.  This is the first time since being with my team that my calories are going to be reduced instead of increased.  It is also the first time ever that I will be doing cardio doubles.  I'm thankful that my Wednesday's are still single cardio sessions. Even though my calories have been reduced I'm still going to be eating slightly over 1,400 calories with a 50% Protein, 30% Carb, 20% Fat macro-nutrient breakdown.  It seems like so much protein, but I know it is necessary in order to persevere my lean muscle mass.  I am still hoping to cut about 3 to 4% body fat.  I have finally moved past the scale and am more focused on body fat.  Body fat can tell you so much more than the scale.  It can be inaccurate, but I use it as a guide every other week to tell how much lean mass I've put on and how much body fat I've lost.  I'm still concerned that I didn't put on enough lean mass during the off season.  When I signed with the team I was 115 pounds and eating 1,200 calories.  As we gradually worked on restoring my metabolism my body adapted so well, and even at 1,800 calories I was still dropping weight.  Truth be told that with December and January's holidays I have not done much for gaining or losing.  I've simply maintained.  My stats going into this 12 week prep are 108 pounds and 15.3% body fat.

Posing is still proving to be my biggest issue.  Mid February I will be meeting with a fellow teammate that will help me with my posing routine.  I am hoping to also meet with her once in March, and then in April right before my competition I will be flying to Daytona Beach for a one on one with my coach.  My goal is to be fairly confident in my routine at the time I meet with my coach.  She can give me a few pointers and tweak things and then send me on my way to be my best self!

15 Weeks Out

First and foremost i have gotten yet another new coach.  This makes 4 coaches in 5 months.  I really hope I'm stuck with the new one now!  My old coach is taking over 'bigger' things so a bunch of us were shuffled to a different bikini coach.  I actually think this change is going to be very good for me.  I have already met the coach I was assigned to at camp, and I really liked her initial feedback on my first progress report.

I explained in my report to her that I was getting very frustrated with my lower body.  I don't feel like my glutes/ hams are getting anywhere.  She reminded me that I need to keep my movements very quick.  This week I have focused on lowering my weights a little bit and knocking out the sets a little faster.  A workout shouldn't take more than an hour and it was taking me almost an hour and a half nightly.

Next Thursday my husband and I are going to Jamaica until Monday.  Since I am still 15 weeks out from my first show I fully intend to 'live it up' while we are there.  It will give my body a break, it will give my mind a break and when i get back it will be full on prep time!  Right now, at this point, I can't wait to eat, drink, and be merry, but I am almost certain after day 1 of 'not eating to plan' I will feel like a gigantic balloon!

Lately my mind has been so busy.  Analyzing a day inside my head makes me realize why I am so exhausted in the evening!  I think about my goals.  I think about my upcoming competitions - if I choose the right ones, if I'll look good enough, if I'll pose good enough, if I even have any business being there.  How I will react if I do poorly, how I will react if I do well.  What does the body of my dreams actually look like, why do I have so much trouble realizing how far I have come.  This goes on THE ENTIRE DAY!  It seems everything I do I do with my goals in mind.  From the time I hear that alarm in the morning until the time I crawl in bed at night my mind is processing my goals.

This is important to me and my personal goals because I know fitness is not an isolated journey.  I want the results. I want to be the best me possible.  That means living fit 24 hours per day / 7 days per week.  That means I must get enough rest to train intensely.  That means I must fuel my body with the proper food and portions at the proper times.  That means I must get at least a gallon of water in every day.  If I miss any of these components I know my results are going to be compromised.

My entire focus right now is getting on stage.  Getting my make up in order, getting my hair in order, ordering my suit, walking around in my heels, making sure my meals are prepped, making sure my alarm wakes me up at 5 am to get my cardio in, making sure my husband is around each and every night to push me intensely thought my workouts.  It's non-stop.  I'm not complaining; I love it.  I can visualize my goals each and every day.  I like how I feel.  It is a reminder that the hard work and sacrifice is worth it.  Don't get me wrong, some days I feel completely discouraged, unmotivated, and like quitting.  At those times I lean on my husband.  I try to take a mental break, or I go to social media for motivation.  I know I have made huge improvements and I know in these next 15 weeks I will continue the journey to be the best me yet as long as I stay consistent and disciplined, even when I feel like I'm at a standstill.