17 Weeks Out

The past few weeks have been very busy with the holidays.  During this busy time I have had a lot of time to reflect and refocus my goals.  I have reevaluated my competition goals and have settled on going to watch a show in Baltimore, MD on March 22^nd, 2014 and competing in:  April 26^th, 2014 NPC MAX MUSCLE CLASSIC - Woodbridge, VA, May 24^th, 2014 NPC LEHIGH VALLEY CHAMPIONSHIPS, May 31^st, 2014 NPC EXCALIBUR CHAMPIONSHIPS.  These are much smaller shows and I believe they will give me learning experience and confidence to do bigger shows if I choose to.  This puts me at 17 weeks out!

Looking back now I realize just how much camp taught me.  If I hadn't gone to camp I would not have known just how much posing practice I need.  I know for me posing is going to be one of those things that I practice, practice, practice.  I’m going to have to be able to do it with the lights off, in the dark, without sound, forwards, backwards, etc.  I NEED to have it memorized. 

 

The past few weeks have been hit/miss with ‘sticking to my plan’.  My hubby and I took a weekend trip together instead of exchanging Christmas presents.  We went to NYC for the weekend and to say I lived it up is a bit of an understatement.  I had lots of ‘good’ food and ‘good’ drinks.  I came home and was 8 pounds heavier.  Even though I ate like crap I killed all my workouts in the awesome gym the hotel had.  I knew a lot of the weight was water weight.  Sure enough within 5 days I was back to my typical 107.  This week starts a new food plan for me.  It is more calories than I have ever consistently consumed so I am excited to see how my body does with it. 2013 was an amazing year for me.  

I had high expectations of myself and I delivered many of those expectations.  I have set the bar even higher in 2014.  I have huge personal, relationship, and financial goals.  I fully intend to make 2014 my best year yet.  I know this is only the beginning for me.  

In the past I would always allow others thoughts of 'what you should look like' to cloud my own thoughts.  I would get too many opinions from too many places on what workouts I should be doing, how heavy I should be lifting, what cardio to do, what's wrong, what's right, carb cycling, depletion, water, etc. etc.  There are so many opinions out there about what is right and what is wrong about what is healthy and what isn't.  It all becomes so over whelming. Add in the people that you know are talking about you.  Family, friends, coworkers, FB, the ones that follow you on Instagram, but never say a word to encourage and support you.  I definitely have some of those.  It’s the first time I can see things from an  'I don't care what you think about me' perspective and instead I see them from a my decisions make me happy perspective.  I know I am going to open so many doors for myself this year.  I know I am going to grow as a person.  I am so inspired by others and even if my pictures, quotes, posts, only inspire 1 person...I am happy!

  

One of the mental transformations I wish to make is to enjoy this journey and appreciate where I am and how far I have come.  I find that I become so preoccupied with what I want that I forget to enjoy where I am.  I know that where I am today will be different than where I am next week.  I understand that the pursuit of perfection has no end.  All I can do is strive for improvement over time and to try to be a little better each day than I was the day before.  One of the physical changes I really wish to make this year are to really develop my arms.  In the past 22 weeks my arms have come a long way (especially my biceps), but they still carry entirely too much body fat.  I want to push hard to develop my shoulders and my triceps. 

I absolutely adore the support system I have developed.  I not sure if my supporters realize just how much they contribute to my success.  When I feel bad they reassure me it’s all part of the process and to keep going.  When I feel good, they make me feel even better.  I know that my entire image of myself is changing.  Up until last year I was very quiet and didn't speak up very much.  I did everything I could to avoid drawing attention to myself, and when I did receive it, it made me uncomfortable.  I used to walk around my office with my head down not even sure how to say hello to people.  Now, I hold my head high.  I am proud of who I am.  I want to continue to grow; grow enough to be confident enough to step on stage in my platform heels and bikini. 

??? Weeks Out

??? Weeks Out

What an interesting and humbling week.

I left for camp Friday morning. I had my 6 pack bag all ready with food for the entire 3 days and a carry on bag with my workout clothes. We got up at 230 am and Brian drove me to Allentown airport for a 630 am departure. I arrived in Daytona Beach at 1030. Grabbed a rental car,  stopped off at the grocery store for a few gallons of water and headed to camp.

The first day our session started right after I arrived at 12 and ran until 430. We had a lecture by Shannon Dey about the Bombshell background and how it has grown and what it represents. How our coaches are there to help us and we need to reach out to them for all things. Weekly progress pictures, questions, accomplishments, bad days,  etc. After the lecture we did what was called 'A tour of Daytona' with my coach,  Coach Vanessa. After the tour of Daytona we did a leg workout. I learned real,  real,  quickly that the workouts used a whole lot less weight than I was using and were a lot faster paced.

There were 10 of us at camp and 9 of us were staying at the bombshell house. 9 girls aged 18 to 36 (36 being me),  3 bedrooms with 3 beds each, 2 bathrooms,  and 1 kitchen.

The first night was rough for me. I am an extremely light sleeper I ended up on the sofa. I think my emotions were crazy because of exhaustion but I was annoyed and I missed my family like crazy. I ended up crying myself to sleep.

Camp day 2 was much better. We started at 8 am. First we had posing practice,  Which I am absolutely horrible at. I don't have an ounce of confidence when it comes to the posing,  I am going to have to practice several times a week,  then we had killer cardio,  then we had a food prep lecture with Coach Gen.  Last, we ran the Daytona Bridge...twice!  This was tough.  I was apprehensive about it all weekend,  but I did it,  and I did it well. I was proud of myself. After camp we went back to the house and relaxed a little until it was time to go to Shannon's house for our cheat meal.  We got 2 pieces of pizza. With all the workouts I honestly felt like I could eat an entire pizza.

The last day was rough. I have positive and negative feelings about it. We had a booty workout,  then an upper body blast workout,  and last a mock show. The mock show is what I dreaded all along.  Almost all the girls had competed at least once before, so they had already had some posing experience.  I had NONE, nor did I have the confidence to do it.  We got in line by height and the judges (Coach Vanessa,  Coach Elliott,  Coach Asia,  and Shannon) called us out 1 by 1. After we all went Shannon pulled us all together and told us we looked horrible. She told us to pull the emotion out  of it,  be confident,  and strut our stuff.  This was much easier said than done; especially for me.  The girls that previously competed moved so smooth and fluently.  I felt unsure and herky jerky.  I seriously felt like I had braces on my legs that made me walk stiff as a board!

I left camp thinking; what the hell was I thinking.  There is no way I can walk out on stage all 'sexy like' like that.  Ironically enough while waiting at the airport to board my plane this woman approached me.  She said she saw me at the 'rookie' camp and that she is a 'veteran' Bombshell.  I knew she was older than me, so I immediately told her how I was feeling.  Turns out she is 42 years old and does competitions.  She was laughing and telling me how she had no business doing her first show and that her posing was awful.  Said she came in dead last!  She has since done other shows and has improved in everyone.

So, as I rode home I thought to myself, the coaches told me I had a great shape, I know I have the dedication and the discipline to the food and workouts, so I AM going to follow through with this, but I think I am going to choose some smaller local shows instead of chomping off New York City right off the bat.  I have to wait for the website to be updated with the small shows and then I will choose.  Once I choose a show my ??? will change to how many weeks out I am.

18 Weeks Out

18 Weeks Out

Another week passed.  18 weeks to go!  This week has been quite challenging.  Work was very, very taxing this week and then came some added emotional stress – my coach is leaving the team.  On Wednesday afternoon an email came out that the team was looking for a coach.  I didn't really think too much of it; I thought maybe they were just adding an additional coach.  Later in the evening when I was getting my shower something hit me – my heart instantly started pounding and the dreaded thought of MY COACH might be leaving entered my mind.  I stepped out of the shower and emailed her immediately.  She replied very quickly and what I read was exactly what I was hoping NOT to read.  It’s pretty amazing how, this coach, that I have never met, has had such an impact on my life.  Tears started flowing and questions started entering my mind.  Thoughts like; she is the one that got me this far; how am I going to go on, there is no way I can compete now, I might as well unset my alarm in the morning; there is no sense in getting up for cardio.  My husband tried to reassure me that everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't talk without crying.  I tossed and turned all night long.  The next morning when that morning cardio alarm went off I laid there 10 minutes before I forced myself to get up.  I stepped on the treadmill and once I got going I was able to pick myself up (a little bit).  I knew it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself.  Rebecca might be leaving, but she gave me the confidence I need to go on.  My mind has now shifted.  I am going to step on that stage in April and I am going to make her proud!  

Now it is time to get to know my new coach.  I only hope I bond with her the way I did Rebecca.  It takes a special person to show that 'tough love', but to also be compassionate.  Rebecca did that perfectly!  I have been assigned to the Bikini Team Coach, Coach Vanessa.  I will be submitting my first progress report and pictures to her on Monday and I can't wait to hear her feedback.

My new plan is so much different than my old one when it comes to the cardio.  Last month was 60 minutes 5 days per week.  This one is 30 to 40 minutes 4 days per week.  The food plan and the workouts are very similar.  My big challenge next week is going to be prepping to go to camp.  I have read up on airline security and think I am pretty prepared.  I have my quart bag ready with carry on liquids…my vinegar and oils, peanut butters, etc.  I have my 6 pack bag ready with my food, and my carry on ready with my workout clothes.  I will fly out of Allentown Friday morning at 6:35 AM.  I am so excited to actually meet other Bombshells and to meet the Bombshell coaches.  The experience is going to be priceless.

Every morning when I wake up I walk to the bathroom I stare down the scale, and for the most part just refuse to get on it anymore.  I look in the mirror to check my progress and look for changes.  I look for any indication I can find that I am slowly but surely moving into the right direction of being ready to step on stage.  Some days I think, damn, I look lean today, other days I feel like a big puffy mess!  However, I do KNOW that I am in the best shape of my life at this point in time.  I am stronger and leaner than ever.  The picture to the right was very cool for me to see.  The left side was taken in May 2012 the right was this week.  Such huge changes in the leanness of my arms and core.  

Sometimes when  I feel I am making no progress what so ever I really lean hard on my coach and network of social friends.  They remind me to remind myself that even if I don't see changes every day each day of training and eating clean is making me stronger mentally and physically.  They help me find balance and remind myself that everyday I am improving my condition.  I am treating my body with respect and feeding it with food to fuel it.

Food is everywhere right now.  I am pretty happy with how I am holding out.  My kids laugh at me because I actually smell the goodies they are eating.  My younger son just thinks it’s weird and the older one thinks it would make it harder to refrain.  Cheat meal this weekend is dinner at Bonefish Grill with the family.  Can’t wait!

19 Weeks Out

This week marks the end of my fifth month of training with Team Bombshell.  I have 19 weeks left to get ready for my first competition!  

This month wasn't as hard as I expected once I made sleep my priority.  The first week of morning cardio and evening training was brutal because I was only getting about 5 hours of sleep per night.  I was an emotional wreck by the end of the week.  The 2nd week I made a major adjustments to be in bed by 9:30 every night, and on Tuesday and Thursday in bed by 8:30.  This gave me the rest I needed to power though my hour of morning cardio and my hour to hour and a half of evening weight sessions.

The food this past month was the best yet; I actually wish I could be on same food for another month.  Even though I think I am pretty disciplined about eating when I need to and not just when I have a psychological craving, this past week really made me realize how much wanting to have the taste of something drives me.  My son and I went shopping last Saturday and I swear everywhere we turned there was candies and sweets.  At the mall; we went into Gertrude Hawk and I had to turn down sample chocolates; they smelled so good.  Then of course at Autie Anne's they were giving out free pretzel samples.  Oh, how I love soft pretzels.  I bypassed them too and stuck to my plan.  I was thankful that I carried my food/water with me for the day.  I had what I needed when I needed it.  Fuel the body!!

This week is Thanksgiving.  Since I am still 19 weeks out I will enjoy a nice 'treat meal' with my family, but I am still going to keep it very balanced.  I plan to enjoy a giant plate of greens, with some white meat turkey, and maybe one kind of starch.  I know that reaching my goals is up to me and up to me alone.  I am responsible for the decisions I make.  

I am happy with how my body is progressing, but it's still odd to me how certain areas of my body seem so lean when other parts seem to be really holding onto stored fat.  I can see amazing definition in my chest, back, and mid section while my triceps, area above my butt, and quads seem to be very resistant to change. I know I have plenty of time and I will get there.  It's funny because whenever I begin a strict diet, there’s some irrational part of me that always feels like after 5 days of strict training, I should already look like the cover girl on a fitness magazine.  If that was all the time it took, then everyone would look like that!

20 Weeks Out

My Competition Prep - 20 Weeks Out 

I started working out quite some time ago.  In 1998 after I had my first child I knew my body wasn't just going to bounce back to the way it was before.  I purchased my first piece of workout equipment - A Bowflex Home Gym.  While I have always been in decent shape I really had the desire to take it to another level.  In July of 2013 I started my journey with Team Bombshell.   When I began this journey I had no desire or intention to compete – EVER!  Three months into the program I was shocked by my progression.  Thoughts of ‘maybe I can be good enough’ began to enter my mind.  Well, since then I have committed to doing my first competition in New York, New York on April 12th, 2014.  I am also committed to doing a second competition in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania on May 3, 2014

My coach, Rebecca, is amazing.  I feel so blessed to have her, She has taken me from this ‘sheepish’ individual to a ‘confident’ woman.  Without her I never would have imagined I could step foot on a stage.  In December I will be traveling to Daytona Beach, Florida for a Bootcamp.  At the camp I will get the opportunity to meet my coach, exercise with the team, and learn more about posing.  I can hardly wait!

The more I see results the more driven I am.  I must admit though I thoroughly look forward to my cheat meal every single week.  Pre-competition prep indulgences are so much fun, but I know they aren’t nearly as important as getting my head in the game.  Everything has become about planning for me.  My husband hits the grocery store for me every Thursday morning.   He also spends every Friday prepping my food for the following week.  I am so thankful to have his full support!

Getting my head right so far has been the hardest part.  There is a quote I’ve come across recently that I have saved for moments of weakness:

There is inside you
all of the potential
to be whatever you want to be,
all of the energy
to do whatever you want to do.
Imagine yourself as you would like to be,
doing what you want to do,
and each day, take one step
towards your dream.
And though at times it may seem too
difficult to continue,
hold on to your dream.
One morning you will awake to find
that you are the person you dreamed of,
doing what you wanted to do,
simply because you had the courage
to believe in your potential
and to hold on to your dream.
-Donna Levine

So far, this has been such a huge learning experience for me.  I am learning more about myself everyday.  I am beginning to understand that there are going to be moments that I will feel hungry, I will feel tired, moments of physical and psychological weakness, times that I may slip up, times that I may feel down, times that I may feel angry, but through it all I can and I will persevere.

I’m excited to see my body change from now until the time I step on stage.  I know there will be people that judge me.  I have already encountered criticism about my age, about the food I eat, and about bikini competitions being nothing more than a beauty pageant.  What I have realized is the amount of hard work and discipline required is tremendous, and not something just everyone could understand.  I know the only person standing in my way is myself.  This battle is a battle that is within.  And the feeling of conquering myself makes me feel like I am truly capable of achieving anything.

It’s GAME ON!